“Stand where he tells you to stand, wear what he tells you to wear, and do what he tells you to do.”
This is the wedding night advice offered to brides by Josh Howerton, a senior pastor at Lakepointe Church in Dallas, Texas. Lakepointe, according to the Dallas Morning News, is one of the biggest megachurches in Texas, with over 13,000 people a week attending its main location. The church itself cites a number over 40,000 a week, between its six campuses and online services. Howerton opened Sunday morning services on February 25 with this paean to sexual coercion.
Claiming that the bride has “been planning this day her whole life,” and so the groom should indulge her: “Stand where she tells you to stand, wear what she tells you to wear, and do what she tells you to do. You’ll make her the happiest woman in the world.”
Then he hits folks with this counterpoint: In exchange, the bride should take a submissive role in what he pointedly calls “his wedding night,” to “make him the happiest man in the world.” (Howerton did not respond to a Salon request for comment.)
In the era of robust online debate between conservative Christians and those in the faith deconstruction movement, this clip unsurprisingly generated a lot of discussion. Sheila Wray Gregoire, a Christian critic of purity culture, responded on her Bare Marriage podcast with an episode titled, “Why Evangelical Honeymoons Often Go So Badly.” Howerton responded with two beloved defenses of bigoted rhetoric on the right: that it’s out of context and just a joke.
Gregoire responded in a thread arguing the context “makes this worse” because the “joke” assumes men “don’t have to take on ANY of the mental load, emotional involvement, or work of the wedding,” and also that “at the wedding night, you get to act like a porn director and direct her every move so you get exactly what you want.”
Evangelical sexism is getting more overtly nasty.
She concludes: “In both the wedding, and the wedding night, she does all the work for him.” It’s an apt rebuttal to those who claim these rigid gender roles are “fair” because they’re “balanced.” In reality, it’s just more of the same sexist assumption that the work of marriage belongs only to women.
All critical discourse, but my first thought upon watching this clip, I must confess: This is why the GOP is doomed in its “outreach” to claw back female voters they’ve lost in the Donald Trump era.
It’s not just the assault on abortion rights, which they can’t seem to hold back from, despite the resounding unpopularity of the anti-choice stance. It’s that the MAGA base is getting ever more vitriolic with its mis